High Expectations

Dear Friends



It’s me; once again I come to talk to you about something that I find very troubling in the world. First let me say I am just and ordinary man no better or no worst than any of you. With that said, this is not a judgment on anyone in particular just my observation on a few things. I have for a long time been watching and taking note of myself and my interaction with the people around me and the various relationships one can have, weather it be family friends or just someone you meet in passing. The relationships we have with one another can be an enhancement to our life; a sour of great joy or the leading factor for loads of misery. But what are these agreements really based on and what makes a relationship good or bad? Now there are probably many reasons why a relationship could go wrong but I believe one of main reasons relationships go bust, is we have a bad point of view going in to relationship or our expectations are misplaced.



How high are your expectations when it comes to your dealings with people? If you are any thing like me it is very easy to get carried away with what you think about a particular relationship especially when we find ourselves emotionally attached to someone. I guess we lose focus of the reality of the true nature of our relationships mainly because we become complacent with how things are going or lazy if things start off well. We never dive in deep we always try to make the safe play I guess out of fear of rejection but that only comes in to play if we like the person. If we don’t care much about the individual then we are quick to dive in to the deepest part of the waters. If that’s the case we do and say all manner of things and most of the time without justification. After all is said and done your investment in the relationship is what? I think you should find the answer to that before you begin a relationship.



We have invested nothing in the people yet our expectations are over whelming. An example would be our children. Most of us spend nearly no time with our children and the time we do spend gets wasted on to many instructions. Ok wait I’m not saying stop teaching your child that’s not it at all; I’m saying in addition to instruction do some listening to your child find out what they need from you and give them space to make their own mistakes because this is a part of the learning process as well. Your expectation for your child should based on your investment and there are a few questions you should ask yourself before letting them have a piece of your mind. One did I as a parent set up a clear avenue for my child to succeed? Two did I give a proper example of how an adult should govern themselves? Third do I invest in my child’s education; you know spend time helping with home work? Fourth did I support my child’s dreams? The last one is probably one off the most important things a human being can do for the world and that is to support a child’s dream. If you haven’t fully done these things how can you have any expectations I mean really think about that for a moment and I’m sure you will see the light.



Now let’s move on keeping in mind the things I have said about our children. These lessons are in most cases interchangeable, and the same question can apply to our other relationships. In all our relationship I think we can apply some of the same tactics, like listen and being more supportive of our family and friends. I also feel we over value words, sometimes saying nothing can be helpful so long as it is not a forced silence it may be better to keep quite and observe letting your friends or family have the freedom to be who they are, because only that type of insight can be helpful in building lasting harmony between people. If we let our fixation with our own thinking be the deciding factor there is a chance we will over look the truth of our relationships with a person or group creating unnecessary grief for one another. Life is a thing to be share with love and joy why else would we all be here together.



A relationship is community endeavor and should be undertaken as such it is not a thing to be taken lightly and sometimes the fait of world hangs in the balance. Sounds crazy right? I know but its true take a second to look at it. First start with what you can dismiss as a small type of relationship like two young adults in dating situation. They start out as friends meanwhile the community has no input no one give the young couple advice not mom or dad. So what happens? Some time later they begin having sex and never take to get to know anything about the person they are sleeping with. The relationship has sex as its only outlet and this is very dangerous. After a while they grow tired of one another but before they split up a baby is born. Now you have two people who know nothing about one another trying to raise a child. How often have you seen this or at least heard of something similar to this you may even be involved in something that sound a lot like this. I know some of you are saying what has that got to do with me? A lot but you do see it until the courts are over flowing with child support cases. That’s one only of the many problems associated with then kind relationship that was not support by the community but is later condemned by the same community. What gives us the right to expect anything from them when we done nothing to help set up for a successful and meaningful relationship.



Friends that’s just some of what I had on my mind. I hope my words help to save a relationship I hope they help the community but above all things I hope these words help us to look honestly at our expectations and help shape our observations. Then maybe we can begin to build better personal relationships that up lift our society and pushes human kind towards a day when the world and all who live in it can find joy and peace.



Thank you

Ridgley Makins